Bob for apples like a pro

The apples float on the water, singing their siren song of seduction.

"Just lean over, open your mouth, bite down firmly, and you're done," the rosy round fruits promise would-be bobbers.

Don't listen. That way lies humiliation. Here's how it's really done:

Choose your apple, preferably one near the side. Take a deep breath and hold it. Push the apple with your face to the side or the bottom of the tub. Once you have the apple braced against a solid surface on one side, you can bite into it from the other. (If you try while the apple's floating, you come away with a bite of fruit and the ridicule of your peers.)

When bite time comes, open your mouth wide - you need to get a grip on as large an area of the fruit's arced surface as you can. And when you feel the apple's flesh hit your gums, stop closing your jaws, and come up with your prize.

Yes, we know. Success has a price. The bobber's entire head will wind up in the water if the vessel holding the apples is deep enough. That means no fancy hair styles, and no make up, especially mascara.

And with that apple in your mouth as water streams down your face, you will look like a roast pig that's just gotten the treatment from the business end of a hose. So be it. Take pride in your skill.

And make sure you get the negatives. (Thanks Megan!)